A Bride’s Guide To Wedding Showers

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Etiquette expert Karen Cleveland has joined Weddingbells as a guest blogger solving all of your decorum dilemmas. Read on for tips on how to retain poise from the minute he proposes.

At their core, showers are great little celebrations leading up the wedding, which can build excitement for the big day and allow for the people closest to you to get to know each other. These days showers are far from stuffy all-female affairs. Your shower can be held in just about any setting, with men in attendance (or not). It can even incorporate a theme that ties in with your wedding day or revolves around an activity that will help you take care of the tasks on your wedding to-do list.

Who hosts the shower and where?
Showers are not mandatory, although it is quite common for either a close family member or the maid of honour (along with the help of the other bridesmaids to organize one for the bride. The host and venue should come down to common sense logistics like location and space.

Who is invited to showers?
– Those invited to the shower, or any other wedding-related event for that matter,  should also be invited to the wedding.
– There should be no overlap in shower invitation lists. If you are lucky enough to have more than one shower (slippery slope, careful now) no one should be invited to more than one.

Other “good-to-knows”
– A shower is hosted for you, not by you, a crucial demarcation. You are the guest of honour! As such, unless explicitly asked, do not weigh in with preferences (though if you delicately, privately, and ever-so-diplomatically, share a few tidbits with your maid of honour, she will likely be happy to pass the information along to whoever requires it).
– If you are vehemently opposed to having a shower, articulate your wishes to your maid of honour or other trusted confidante. Let them navigate those choppy waters on your behalf.
– Get thank you cards out to the host and attendees as soon as you can!

3 unique shower ideas
The music shower
Even if you’ve hired a DJ trying to devise a rough playlist that will please all of your guests can be a huge undertaking. Your shower is a great opportunity to poll a wide demographic for song suggestions. Whoever is hosting the event could ask guests to each bring a mix of their favourite tunes or a favourite CD to make the task a little easier.

The wine shower
If your pre-wedding celebration is going to be a co-ed event a wine shower can be a nice option. The shower can take the form of a casual wine and cheese party an in lieu of money or housewares your host can request that each guest arrive with a favourite bottle to help you stock your wine cellar.

The crafting shower
A crafting shower is the ideal choice for any DIY bride. This option allows shower guests to actually have a hand in bringing the wedding to life (whether that’s through packaging favours or stringing decorative garlands) and it is a great way to offer a bit of much-needed help to the bride.


Karen Cleveland is a Toronto-based etiquette advisor and writer. For more on her column, Finishing School, find her on Twitter or send her your questions and conundrums here.


One comment on “A Bride’s Guide To Wedding Showers
  1. Candace says:

    What should i tell a friend who is insistant on throwing another shower even though i have already told my MOH and bridesmaids that I dont wish to have another one?? She has now told me that she has planned something for the first night of my get-away stagette and i have already told her twice that it’s my wish not to have one…. i really appreciate her wanting to honour my bid day, and our friendship, but why can’t she just back off and understand that I simply dont have time, or even want another one? Should I get my mother, or MOH to say something to her??

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